Our "Off Topic" forum - have a wee blether here.
Penny Tray
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by Penny Tray » Mon May 27, 2019 4:19 pm
I was speaking to a friend of mine today who referred to a colleague of his as “The China Man,” and when I asked how he’d come by a 'handle' like that, he said, “It actually started when he came out the hospital after a big operation, and one of the boys referred to him as -
WAN LUNG McLEOD
Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it.
bonzo
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by bonzo » Mon May 27, 2019 4:56 pm
PT, here's a load of nicknames sent into off the ball.
Norrie Two Bunnets - the taxi-driver who wears a wig under his cloth cap.
The Colostomy - the girlfriend of a married man (ie. the wee bag on the side).
Two Soups - his real name is Campbell Baxter.
The Boomerang Kid - whenever anyone at work asks a question, he always replies: "I'll get back to you on that."
Vaseline - his real name is Willie Burns.
Rembrandt - loves saying to colleagues: "Let me put you in the picture..."
Bernard Caliper - a keen golfer with a leg iron.
Bo Derek - a chap called Derek with terrible body odour.
Brewer's Droop - his real name is Willie Falls.
Elmer - according to his mates, this guy is a real Fudd.
Harvey Smith - a skinflint who regularly enjoys a clear round at the bar.
The Genie - magically appears whenever anyone opens a bottle.
The Marksman - when it's his turn to buy a round, he always shoots the craw.
Dulux - his pals reckon he's only got one coat.
Polyfilla - his real name is Phil McCracken.
The Mounty - whenever there's a carry-out on the go, he always gets his can.
Soapy - washes his hands of any problems that crop up.
Captain Hook - continually late for work, it's believed he must be scared of the alarm clock.
Wolfy - fond of a right good bevvy, he's always howling.
The Yeti - always on the sick, there have been many unconfirmed sightings of this guy, but nobody can prove he actually exists.
Charlton Heston - an incredibly slow fitter who turns every job into an epic.
The Hostage - when anyone asks for help he always replies: "Sorry, my hands are tied."
The Chernobyl Jannie - during the mid-Eighties this guy had a really bad complexion.
The Woodpecker - he's always tapping.
Mussolini - a woman with rather loose morals (aka the great dicktaker)
Those wimin were in the nip.
brian f
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by brian f » Mon May 27, 2019 6:24 pm
Cheered me up on a rainy evening . Thanks guys.
Mussolini
Bruce
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Posts: 752 Joined: Sat May 08, 2010 5:01 pm
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by Bruce » Mon May 27, 2019 6:29 pm
I once worked with a guy known as “Guinness”
cos he was stout, with a big head
Also a chap known as “The Auger Bit”
cos he’d bore a hole in anyone
Herald Diary once had some chat on nicknames - the one that I remember was a chap who had a glass eye. He was known by the unimaginative nickname of “Sailor”, as he had been in the navy.
Then one day he went to the swimming pool, dived in, and his glass eye popped out. It took ages to find it.
From then onwards, he was known as “Sailor, the Popeye Man"
bonzo
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by bonzo » Mon May 27, 2019 6:53 pm
Some more wee gems from off the ball.
Olympic Torch - a bit of a loner who never goes out.
Sergeant Signal - well known in the police station, he's a tube with stripes.
Daisy - a rather lazy chap, there are days he'll work and days he won't.
The Seagull - a panicky engineer who's always flapping.
The Barra - he won't do anything unless he's given a push.
The Sniper's Dream - a guy with a large forehead.
The Beast - his extension number at work is 666.
Tuesday- when he was born his parents decided to call it a day.
The Fog- a foreman who comes down on you when you least expect it.
Sooty 1- his surname is Armour.
Sooty 2 - he can't do anything without getting a hand.
NATO- lost a big toe after an accident.
Red October/Polaris/Torpedo- these guys are always looking for a sub.
Domestos- a wife who's apparently clean round the bend.
Neon - a six-foot tube.
Sledge - a guy who regularly gets pulled by dogs.
Boaby Butterbean- nobody likes butterbeans.
Thrombosis- a slow-moving clot.
Phone Box- he's always out of order.
Heid First - the nickname of a certain Mr R. Slater.
The Exorcist - when he visits your house at New Year, all the spirits disappear.
Minty - arriving late for work, he's always in "after eight".
Pebbledash- he consumes eight pints of Guinness and eight bags of peanuts every night.
Winchester- the nosy barmaid who likes a good rifle.
Lightning - the painter whose roller never hits the same spot twice.
The Undertaker - a promiscuous lady who has seen quite a few stiffs.
The Cadbury Kid - due to dandruff, he's always covered in flakes.
Broken Arrow - son of the boss, he won't work and you can't fire him.
Turin Shroud - a dodgy tradesman with papers claiming he's qualified but nobody's sure they're authentic.
Blister - a lazy employee who only turns up after all the work's been done.
No.59- terrible body odour means he's sweet and sour.
The Greyhound- he's got a shocking comb-over and refuses to believe "the hair's off".
Hip Hip - his real name is Hugh Rae.
Nicam- everything you tell him goes in one ear and out the other.
The Boomtown Rat - weekend-drinker who never makes work on a Monday.
Avalanche - the stressed office worker who's always claiming that he's "snowed under".
Alaska - a henpecked husband who needs his wife's permission to go out.
The Blacksmith - when it's his turn to buy a round, he makes a bolt for the door.
The Lord - a schoolteacher with a gammy leg, he moves in mysterious ways.
Prince Albert - his real name is Wullie Pearson.
Krakatoa- he's constantly smoking and surrounded by ash.
The Moped- every time this golfer gets on the green he goes putt-putt-putt.
OJ- a friend of the boss who gets away with murder.
Domino- his ex-wife left him for the delivery driver from the pizza shop.
Those wimin were in the nip.
morag
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Location: Stevenston. now in S. Cal
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by morag » Mon May 27, 2019 9:43 pm
Had a good laugh reading (and re-reading) this topic!
"You don't have a Soul. You are a Soul. You have a body."
C.S.Lewis
Hughie
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Location: Australia Formerly Ardrossan
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by Hughie » Mon May 27, 2019 11:32 pm
Worked with a guy who was known as Hydraulic - would lift anything if it wasn't tied down. I actually thought it was because of the way he walked - real mechanical like.
meekan
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Location: Saltcoats
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by meekan » Tue May 28, 2019 10:57 am
Worked with a guy called "Snickers" because every job he did turned into a "Marathon"
gnyaff
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Location: Deception Bay, Queensland
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by gnyaff » Tue Jun 11, 2019 11:19 pm
A few I remember from over the yeas.
Harpic--Because he was clean round the bend.
Opium--This guy was a slow working Dope.
Mirror-- Every time you asked him something he said, "'I'll look into it".
Sooty--His real name was Harry Corbett.
Wee Boney